Husband Wife Fight – Normal Or Bizarre?

Relationship

Husband Wife Fight – Normal Or Bizarre?

The movies and novels paint such a rosy picture of love, relationships and marriages. Nobody wants to talk about the fights, anger, arguments, nagging, bickering and other absolutely normal stuff that goes on between a couple. I mean, you can’t really make a quarrel between two lovers look romantic, can you? But does that mean it’s weird? Is a husband wife fight normal or is it actually that shocking?

Every couple fights; a ‘husband wife fight‘ doesn’t always mean those serious ‘war like’ situations where one needs to ‘defeat’ the other. Normal routines and daily routines bring up certain differences between a couple that may lead to disagreements, varying in intensity. I mean, before you got married, didn’t you get into fights with your parents or siblings, or even fights that you had with your best friend. It’s just as normal as that.
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Any two individuals are bound to disagree on at least one thing; I mean everyone has a mind of their own and it’s obvious at some point of time it might be in conflict with your partner’s mindset. A healthy marriage is one where a couple quarrel but know where to draw the line and stop. They also know to avoid certain situations.

First off, let’s take a look at the ABSOLUTELY MUST NOTES of a husband wife fight:

  1. Never use abusive language or physical violence regardless of how angry you are.
  2. Don’t bring up the past, keep the fight limited to the present situation.
  3. Don’t involve a third party. Keep it strictly between you two.
  4. Don’t say something harsh that your heart knows is hurtful and untrue.
  5. Never publicly fight. The fight must remain between the four walls and within earshot of only the two of you.
  6. Don’t start a blame game or get the parents involved.
  7. Steer clear from ‘you never do this or that’ and ‘you always do this and that.’ Stick to what has been said and done NOW.

So as long as you keep the above-mentioned points in mind, no fight has a permanent effect. You fight, you reconcile, you get over it, you make up and you forget about it. And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

Common Reasons For Husband Wife Fights

So what are the most common reasons for a husband wife fight? Well, the reasons could be endless but there are a few common ones. Let’s take a look at some of them and also see what can be done to fix them and avoid such situations.

Problem #1: Time

One of the most common reasons for a husband wife fight is when one or both partners don’t devote enough time to the home, family or general needs of the marriage. This could be due to many reasons such as long working hours, too much buddy time, being self involved or anything.

Solution:

How to avoid this situation? Your marriage and home have to be your priority. It’s important to give enough time and attention to your partner’s and marital needs. No matter what, never compromise on the time you need to devote to your wedding. Make extra effort whenever possible and try to squeeze in a little extra time whenever you can.

Problem #2: Money

Expenses are on a constant rise and running a house whilst living a comfortable and desirable lifestyle can be a burden on the pocket. This monetary burden leads to stress and can lead to the typical husband wife fighting about expenses and crises.

Solution:

Always set aside a certain sum of money only for household needs. This needs to be separate from the small amount of money you splurge on having a good time. You don’t have to stop spending but instead be more cautious. ‘Saving for a rainy day’ becomes doubly necessary when married. The house and life can demand unexpected expenses and it’s important to plan for these well in advance. It gives a sense of security, reduces burden and brings peace of mind.

Problem #3: Family Demands

Sometimes extended families, parents or relatives may be demanding. This could put a strain on the relationship, leading to quarrels, especially when it is more of an obligation for one of the partners. Relentless family obligations can become overwhelming, leading to a breakdown and ultimately a husband wife fight.

Solution:

You cannot ignore the needs of your family but you need to prioritize your time. If it’s a pressure on one of the partners, talk and discuss the problem, look for solutions and stand by each other to make it seem like a joint decision. Sometimes it’s okay to skip some functions just because your partner asks you to; spend some more time together. Never disrespect each others’ families and make enough time and effort for them.

Problem #4: Friends

Friends can sometimes be the biggest reason for a fight. It could be too much involvement, a certain friend that one of the partners dislikes, too much social time… anything.

Solution:

Friends are important but never more important then your partner. Never cut back on your partner’s needs. If you dislike a certain friend of your partner’s, talk about it and let your partner make separate plans to see them when you have plans of your own. Always have a bunch of friends in common but don’t let them over-burden your social life. It’s okay to have fun with friends but not at the expense of losing out on your partner’s needs and personal time. This is one silly reason some couples fight.

Well, these seem to be the most common problems and the most simple solutions on how to avoid them. There will be numerous reasons for a couple to fight but as long as it’s harmless, respectful and mended, it’s absolutely not a problem.

The strongest relationships are ones which are brave and overcome all the fights and disagreements. Coming to a common solution, letting down your ego, and analyzing about your needs as a couple are small but significant ways to realize how strong your marriage is. Just like it’s okay to fight, it’s all right to be the first one to say sorry. For the sake of your marriage, saying that you’re sorry is a small price to pay that guarantees a healthy reconciliation and an easy fix.

Kiss N’ Make Up

Having a fight is normal, but what does surprise me is when people don’t make the effort to make up for the fight. Couples sometimes wait days and weeks for the quarrel to be forgotten or brushed under the carpet, not realizing it will eventually come back up again. How to avoid these? Making up after an argument is a way of getting it over with and ensuring it’s gone and out forever. You need to realize that taking the first step to making up DOES NOT mean you were wrong or it was your fault, it only means that your relationship and your partner are more important than your ego or problem. This will ensure that you have a happy, loving relationship.

Hug It Out After A Husband Wife Fight

Sometimes, you don’t need words or actions; a warm hug is all you need! A nice tight hug is better than any “sorry” or “let’s forget about it.” It expresses a great emotion and fixes a fight, connecting a couple in the simplest yet sweetest way.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Way… NO!

A simple ‘sorry’ can be the easiest way to build your relationship. Again, you don’t have to be wrong to say sorry, you just say it to tell your partner that the argument means nothing compared to your love. This solution sounds simple enough and it shows you how to avoid a bigger fight.

Digest It

Well, no I don’t mean to just swallow a sour pill and forget about it. I mean have a good meal together. Prepare or order your partner’s favorite meal in your ‘comfort food’ and literally digest the problem.

Notes And Messages

You can make it up through a simple text or a note. Just a ‘forgot about it’ or ‘love you, sorry!’ is enough. You don’t have to write paragraphs and explanations, just send the message of love and you’re all good.

Go Out After A Husband Wife Fight

A change of atmosphere is another great idea to bring in a wave of freshness into the relationship. A simple drive, movie, outing or even shopping for self or home activities. Do anything but make it together. If it were a really serious fight, plan a weekend getaway to change your mood and thoughts. And yes, plan it out.
Make Love

Intimacy between partners is essential in making a strong and successful marriage. Making love after a fight is a great way to not only steam things up but let the steam off as well. Take the aggressiveness to the bed.

Talk And Find Solutions

Silly quarrels can be dusted out, but if it’s a husband wife fighting about something serious then you need to talk about it. Don’t raise your voice, don’t shout, don’t blame, don’t nagging; just talking and finding a solution as a team. Remember that you are both on the same side of the team.

The Right Time And Place

The worst time to raise important problems is right after work, first thing in the morning or just before your partner leaves for a meeting or something. These are times when everyone wants to be relaxed and the smallest of things can be irritating and make a huge mess. If you really do need to discuss something, and you know it’s probably going to lead to a disagreement, wait for the right time.

You need to understand your partner’s state of mind and what’s going on in their head. A calm and rational state of mind will always take things for what they are and not as a sign to argue. I know sometimes it might seem impossible to find the right time, in which case, just let your partner know that you have something important to discuss and give them some time to soothe and be mentally prepared to hear you out.

The Kids

If you have kids, never ever fight in front of them. Watching their parents fight can cause extreme trauma and mental disturbance in children. Don’t let your children know you are going through a rough patch, they will be more disturbed than you and imagine the worst. And guys, children are smarter. An argument creates a tense atmosphere for everyone in the house, including pets. Even if you do get into a ‘husband wife fight’ at a social gathering, don’t let the others see it. Just let it go and don’t give off negative vibes.

Dealing With Emotions During A Husband Wife Fight

Human emotions come in all shades and forms. It is impossible to conceal your feelings and emotions for too long; and if you do, they’ll spill out in ways you wouldn’t understand and create a bigger problem. Always try keeping your emotions and stress levels in check to avoid a spiraling problem. Indulge in activities that help channel your emotions and keep you fresh (physically and mentally). Yes, life is hard but it’s harder when you are battling negative emotions in a relationship. Daily schedules and routines can put you under immense pressure and make you feel like there’s no way out; the good part is that there’s always a solution.